I just got back from a trip where I spent time with a brilliant, beautiful, straight and single younger friend, and like many women I know, deep in the wilds of dating.
We hadn’t caught up in a while and when I asked her about her dating life, she pulled out her phone to read me the list that another friend had created for her: a running log of the men who’ve crossed her path over the last year.
Each one had a nickname, some funny, some alarming. There was “guy whose wife had an affair with a famous politician” (I found that funny), and “Bipolar Felon” (alarming is an understatement, and not because of the bipolar part). “Accidental Date with 63-Year-Old Santa,” also made the list. Another guy she really liked, but they hit a non-negotiable: he wanted her to go to church with him several times a week, and she already had her own version of church.
It was hilarious to hear about all of her (mis)adventures.
But as she went through the list, something hit me.
Only a few of the men were people she had any real interest in. The rest? They were intrusive, inappropriate, or downright harassing. Men who pushed past her boundaries, projected their desire onto her, and never once asked whether they were welcome in her space.
And yet… there they were, all lumped together.
She didn’t even realize what that meant until I gently pointed it out. “Wait,” I said. “These three? Sure, maybe they belong on a dating list. But these others? That’s not dating, baby. That’s assault adjacent. It’s unwanted and unwelcome attention. Let’s not file them under the same category.”
She paused. Looked at me. “Yeah,” she said. “You’re right.”
That moment stayed with me, because it’s not just her story. It’s all of ours.
How many times have we folded harm into the story of normal?
How often have we mistaken being pursued for being valued?
How often do we confuse being wanted… with being respected?
We can’t change what we don’t name. And we can’t name what we haven’t seen clearly.
This is where clarity becomes spiritual… magic, even.
Because once you start naming things for what they truly are, the whole map of your experience changes.
You stop calling crossed boundaries “just a bad date.”
You stop confusing intrusion with interest, or attention with care.
And you start to see the stories you’ve been carrying, and ask whether they were ever really yours.
In Liberation Magic, I teach that awareness is one of four magical skills.
Because before you can shift your reality, you have to see it clearly.
That’s where your power lives.
So this is your reminder:
Not every man deserves a nickname.
You’re allowed to revise the list.
You’re allowed to reclaim your magic.
And you’re allowed to say: This? This is not mine. I release it.
Courage, truth, and infinite love,
PS: I’m so genuinely grateful you’re here, and I wanna learn more about you. Answer these 2 questions to win a free tarot reading with me.
|
|
I don’t believe in magic, but I know that it works!
Magic is not a belief system, it’s a practice that works. Don’t believe me? Come try it out. If it doesn’t work, you lose nothing. But if it does… your dream life is about to begin!
|
“El poder está en la acción.”
— Maritza Schafer